Why I Gave Up Drinking Alcohol
About ten years ago, I went in to see my doctor. I was worried.
“Doc, I want to get my liver tested. I think there is something wrong with me,” I said. “I can’t seem to process alcohol anymore. Even if I have just two drinks, I feel sluggish and hungover the next day.”
Looking slightly amused, he responded, “This is a very common problem, Graham.”
I was relieved to hear that. Ready for his quick fix, I asked, “Okay, good. What is it?”
“It’s called, ‘You’re getting older.’ I’m not going to order any tests. There is nothing wrong with your liver,” he insisted.
This did not compute. “Wait. I don’t get it… that’s not a good answer. How do I treat this? What should I do?” I basically begged.
He said matter-of-factly, “You have two choices. Either keep feeling like shit — or stop drinking.”
This was not the answer I wanted. I put the conversation out of my mind and continued my life as before. This meant I would arrive home from work, open the garage door, crack open a beer from the garage fridge, and down half of it before I took my first step into the house. It seemed to calm my breathing and quiet my mind. Alcohol served as a short-term cure for that incessant voice in my head — drowning out the inner critic who often made my life miserable. Buzzed me seemed a little bit funnier, slightly less high-strung, and a lot less stressed. We had three young kids, and I was convinced I needed to reinforce myself to face the tsunami of energy waiting for me behind the garage door after a hard day of work and a dismal commute home.
On those evenings, one beer often turned into two… and sometimes three. I had a difficult time sleeping. That same doctor prescribed “meditation” to help me sleep, which I also thought was ridiculous, so I saw a nurse practitioner who obliged with a prescription for Ambien. After a restless night and an Ambien hangover, it was difficult to get going in the morning, so I drank Diet Coke and recharged with more caffeine in the afternoon when I started crashing. This cycle of alcohol, sleeping difficulty, sleeping pills, and caffeine continued for years.
“This cycle of alcohol, sleeping difficulty, sleeping pills, and caffeine continued for years.”
As my age continued to advance (despite my protestations), I started to notice that my knees and feet hurt all the time, and my running times had slowed considerably. Everything just seemed difficult. I had a tough time getting excited about activities that had previously seemed fun. Working, running, playing tennis, hiking, and seeing friends all now felt like chores.
(Quick disclaimer: I am not a doctor and am not offering medical advice. If you’re having difficulty with alcohol or symptoms of anxiety or depression, please seek the counsel of a medical professional.)
One Saturday in late 2014, I skipped my morning workout — an allowance I rarely granted myself. I just felt awful and couldn’t get excited about it. So instead, I spent the day online. I Googled things like “no longer excited about things,” “low energy,” “trouble sleeping,” “inflammation in my feet,” and “insomnia.” For several hours, I clicked through dozens of studies, medical journals, and “how to cure…” articles on these symptoms. Nearly all of them contained the same word: Alcohol.
“For several hours, I clicked through dozens of studies, medical journals, and “how to cure…” articles on these symptoms. Nearly all of them contained the same word: Alcohol.”
I was presented with these unsettling data points:
Alcohol interferes with sleep. Even moderate drinking can reduce quality sleep by as much as 24%, according to a National Library of Medicine 2018 study.
Alcohol can exacerbate depression (the American Addiction Centers states in their medically reviewed article).
Alcohol causes inflammation. This can lead to problems not only with joints, but with brain health, hepatitis, cirrhosis, and heart disease, Monument writes in their article based on four studies.
Alcohol can weaken your immune system, according to an article written by two experts who reference CDC data.
Alcohol can be addictive. While this one was more obvious, I wasn’t fully aware that alcohol can make physical changes in the brain’s chemistry and functioning, and ceasing drinking can cause severe, dangerous withdrawal symptoms for some people. Recovery Centers of America provides an explanation of this phenomenon.
Other studies linked alcohol to increases in risk for accidents, violence, certain types of cancer, obesity, and suicide.
Toward the end of my research, I came across what is perhaps the longest study of happiness ever conducted. In 1938, researchers at Harvard University set out to follow 268 Harvard Graduates for 75 years. The single most correlated factor to happiness was loving relationships. The single most inversely correlated factor? Overuse of alcohol. You can read the entire study here.
In short, I was staring at page after page of data that told me what I was afraid to hear: while I thought alcohol was helping me relax and reduce stress, it was also the sly culprit making most aspects of my life worse.
I didn't take action immediately, though. Like any normal person, I waited until that magical time of year when all change seems possible — January! So in 2015, my New Year’s resolution was to quit drinking, and I did — for about two months. I simultaneously gave up caffeine and sleeping pills. Without hyperbole, I felt 20 years younger. My mind was clear. I didn’t have energy crashes during the day. My body felt better. My workouts improved, and I slept more soundly than I had in years. I found that I required a full hour less of sleep every night and still woke up feeling fantastic. It was as though I had discovered the fountain of youth!
By the time late February rolled around, the optimism of “New Year, New Me” had worn off. It was a particularly challenging month, and I started drinking caffeine during the day — just a little to get by. And then a little more the next day. And then I started having just one drink to unwind at night. Before I realized what was happening, I was back on the caffeine/alcohol/misery flywheel.
“And then I started having just one drink to unwind at night. Before I realized what was happening, I was back on the caffeine/alcohol/misery flywheel.”
My family and I spent that summer in Ohio. With a new environment and change of season, I resolved to try quitting again. I went through the pain of detoxing myself from alcohol, caffeine, and sleeping pills for a second time — a torturous three-week process. Near the end, I resolved I was never going to put myself back on that vicious cycle, and I’m happy to say I haven’t.
When I show up to a social event — be it a bar, business dinner, or a child’s birthday party — people expect me to have a drink with them. It is our society’s norm. When I order a club soda, I inevitably end up having some version of this conversation:
Person who is drinking: “What, you’re not drinking? Why not?”
Me: “I just feel better when I don’t drink.”
Them, whispering: “So, are you an alcoholic?”
Me: “No.”
Them, back to normal volume: “What, are you driving?”
Me: “Yes.”
Them: “Oh, okay. Cool. That makes sense. I took an Uber. Well, sucks that you had to drive. You should take an Uber next time. Here, I got you a drink anyway. Live a little.”
Alcohol is so mainstream — and so closely associated with celebration — that we often forget it is a depressant. It works by progressively dimming our essential brain functions and impairing our ability to think, speak, and react. It distorts our judgment. That impairment can feel good to many of us who walk around fighting a constant voice in our heads. People drink to reduce stress, fit in socially, because it’s a habit, they like the taste, they enjoy the ritual of drinking, or for a million other reasons. I do drink on rare occasions, sometimes on vacation or when I have absolutely nothing the next day. And the following day, I nearly always regret it.
“Alcohol is so mainstream — and so closely associated with celebration — that we often forget it is a depressant.”
I pass no judgment. Alcohol impacts everyone differently. For me, on the other side of alcohol was a better version of myself. I turned 50 last year, and at a time in my life when I’m “supposed” to be slowing down, I am sleeping better than I’ve ever slept. I’m experiencing less inflammation, less irritability, less fatigue, and a clearer mind. I’m playing better tennis than I’ve ever played. I’m lifting more than I’ve ever lifted in the gym. I’m more creative and my mood is stable, with fewer emotional swings. I can give my best to my family, friends, students, and colleagues, no matter what we were celebrating the night before. I know I sound like a late-night infomercial for a fake product, but I actually think I’m peaking at 50!
“For me, on the other side of alcohol was a better version of myself.”
We’re all battling Father Time and fending off the constant pressures of life, and quitting drinking has been one reliable weapon in that fight.